One of those days...

Ever have one of those days? Well, I've been having one of those days... for the past week and a half. I can't seem to shake off this funk! I'm slowly on my way to recovery from this odd haze that has been following me around, like a sneaky little fly that you can't seem to kill. I have been trying to attack those feelings of uselessness with a fork. It has not been working as well as I'd like. But I have come to learn that it's okay to have these funks, to go through these motions of questioning and doubt, because maybe, just maybe, we are going through these hardships for a reason. Perhaps I am supposed to be feeling this way, because through feeling like crap and like I'm not making a difference, I will learn to make a difference- I will learn to be better, to be more than I am, to be a bigger person. So there you have it, world. Carrie Eilzabeth Cloke is not settling for feeling this way. I am tired of sitting feeling like I have no voice, like I am not good enough, like I am not big enough to take on the world! Well, look out. Because I intend on proving you wrong, one step at a time, I am going to change the world. And you can tell me that I am not good enough, and you can tell me that I'm not making an impact, but the truth is, I am. I am changing the world with love and peace, through humbling myself enough to accept that I am not perfect, and that I never will be. So, look out world, I'm going to kick your sorry little butt.

Sincerely,
Carrie. <3

Blogging

Emotions of the moment: Contemplative, a smudge sad, and cold. (If cold is really an emotion?)

I'm missing Majuro again. It happens quite often actually. I see pictures of my students from last year and wish that I could teach them again. I was definitely not the most amazing teacher, but I was a good friend. And I miss my fun 6th grade friends. :) 23 faces that brought so many personalities together to form the greatest group of kids i've ever met. And I miss them like crazy.

I am, however, loving the 160 or so new faces that I have gotten to know here. These kids are so great. I call them kids, when in reality they are only a few years younger than me. Which is weird to think, not that long ago I was in their shoes. Which is pretty cool, actually, that I am here working in the same spot I was three years ago, just on the other side. I've gotten attached to these teenagers. Some of them ask me if I am coming back next year, and I have to tell them no. Which makes me sad. Maybe I will be able to come back in a few years after I finish school.

Which reminds me, I really miss Walla Walla. And my friends. I keep seeing pictures of my old WW buds and it makes me sad. It's easy to get lonely here when there is only 2 or 3 other people close to your age. Jim and Brian being the only from my class. I miss the companionship of being in classes, learning, and meeting up for lunches or going out to coffee. I miss the little things of college. Not so much the learning, but the people. The familiarity. The family of it all.

Don't get me wrong, I love it here and I have great friends and I love my job. But it just gets lonely sometimes, that's all. I am not writing to wallow, just writing my thoughts aloud, I suppose.

Well, what else is new with me? I went home last weekend to be with my parents. It was fun, but I can't wait til I can go home for a whole week and just relax. And I do miss Zackie, too. We haven't hung out for awhile, though we are going out to dinner tonight.

Really wish I could be more interesting in this blog writing thing. I am not very artistic, so I can't share any pictures I've drawn or songs I've written. All I can do is fill you in on my life. Which is what I'm doing. Well, I am going to go. So glad there are so many of you reading this.

If you are reading this, Hollie Macomber, Lizi Rosenburg, Laura Lawson, Gaby Weiman.... I miss you. :)

2AM

2 AM and I'm still awake writing a blog...

Sounds familiar-ish. If only I could actually be writing a song, because that would make my insomnia much cooler.. Anna Nallick would have been proud. Alas, I am awake. It is approx 2:15 AM, but last night was Daylight's Savings so I guess it would usually be around 3:15. I am feeling WIDE awake and wishing I could eat some ice cream. Wishing I could be at the beach, capturing the sunrise through a nixon d40x lens. I wish I had remembered to bring a fan to have some white noise. I wish that I could give an adorable kitten a home. I wish that my best friends were not in three separate states. I wish that my computer would stop dying while trying to watch OTH. I wish that more people would be willing to give up some of themselves to help others. Wish that I could be brave enough to pursue a dream. I wish that that someone meant for me would make themselves known. I wish that traffic didn't exist. I wish that I had discovered Owl City sooner. I wish that more people in the world liked Vanilla milkshakes. (I mean, come on, Strawberry and Chocolate milkshake lovers strongly outnumber us!) I wish that there were more restaurants as cheap as Taco Bell. I wish that gas was not so expensive. Wish that I could visit friends. I am wishing I could pull off being a brunette? (Too nervous to actually do it) I wish that I could learn more than 3 guitar chords. Wish that I could learn the guitar without having to practice and without my fingers hurting. Wish I wasn't so whiny sounding in this blog. :) I guess I wish for a lot of things, but that's not so wrong is it? Life is good, and I am going to keep on wishing. Sooner or later ONE of those things are bound to become reality. Sweet.